I realized that I haven’t spoken about my recent Mental Health. I think it’s important that I be open and transparent with you all as my readers about my head space. We all know those people who are so out of our reach, and I don’t want to be one of those people.
Last month in the middle of the month (November 15thish), I took some time out of my work day to call my mental health office. I hadn’t gone to counseling or my psychiatrist in a month or so at that point. Many reasons for that: I started a new job and didn’t have insurance yet at that point and I didn’t want to open up to my counselor and psychiatrist that I wasn’t taking my medications. Knowing that I wasn’t taking my medications, you can imagine how I was doing….Not well.
My depression was and is still pretty bad. And my anxiety went in waves however stayed in the higher end of the scale. A lot of days had you asked me how my anxiety was, I would have answered I can’t see the sky from the ground. For example, on Thanksgiving, when we went to my fiancé’s family’s house, I sat in the car the entire time paralyzed by my anxiety. I was dealing with my anxiety and stress by eating as opposed to the medications prescribed to me. Most of you know that I’m on a weight loss journey as well doing weight watchers. And at that point I hit a slump. I had gained weight four weeks in a row which sent me deeper into my spiral. I had started having nightmares again which kept me from sleeping well.
Finally, I decided to get back on the “recovery” train….I started taking my medicine daily again. I focused on getting a healthy amount of sleep each night (well I tried but… I wasn’t quite successful). I scheduled new mental health appointments for when my new insurance would kick in (December 1). All of this in hopes that things would start looking up again. I scoured twitter for self-care ideas and starting practicing the ones that I liked daily. I taught myself to be ok with doing nothing. I worked on becoming more active and eating better again. I turned my focus to things that I hoped would help.
Currently, I’m waiting for my appointment to come up. I have a few more days. So far the changes I’ve made before even talking to my counselor and psychiatrist are helping. It’s not perfect, it never will be. However, I feel more hopeful. I hope that seeing someone else struggle to stay “healthy” helps you in some way because knowing others were struggling too helped me. That still helps me.