I always struggled with making requests. I never wanted to be a burden on others or be considered demanding.
However, I’ve noticed things passing me by and my needs not being met.
So, I had to learn how to ask for my needs to be met. Whether it be about having time alone to write or time with someone or even something more serious like clarification on a job I have to complete.
I use a formula. Here it is:
I know you are busy with ______ so I appreciate your time. I need help/time/privacy with _________, please.
I always validate their activities. I always thank them for their time. And then I am specific with what I need.
To my husband, I say things like: “I know you are in the middle of watching a show. I would appreciate it if you would lower the volume please.”
To my friends, I say: “I know life gets busy with your new position. I miss you. I would like to see you for dinner.”
This doesn’t mean I’m always super formal. But if it is something, I consider serious enough to classify as a need, I am specific and detailed. I may word it more casually such as: “hey, it’s been a long time since we’ve seen each other. Let’s grab dinner”.
Do you have a way to ask for what you need or do you avoid it and make do without?