My mental health has been a rollercoster lately. I haven’t been feeling very healthy mentally or emotionally. Work was tiring and trying and when I walked through the door, I knew I wouldn’t be touching the stuff I brought home to do. Instead, I cooked dinner while my fiancé got ready and left for work. I plated my food and put the rest in the fridge for him for when he got home from work. Then I sat myself on my bed with my food and a glass of mountain Dew and put NCIS on while I ate.
That was only the first things I decided to do when I got home. By cooking, I took my mind off of the feelings of anxiety I felt lingering from work. I made sure to put on a show I enjoy while I ate so that I could relax. I made the conscious decision that this night was going to be about taking care of me. That was Monday night. I made a plan that I would shower and relax and play with my baby. Then I decided to opt against working long hours this week instead planning on leaving on time every day this week.
Anxiety takes everything out of a person. It prevents me from accomplishing even small things. When I feel it coming on, I know I have to take action. I distract myself. Teach myself something, do something I enjoy, eat, or talk to someone. I find something to attempt to keep myself from wallowing in the anxiety because I’ve found my anxiety can be handled if I catch it right away.
But what if I don’t catch it?
I sit in a ball and rock back and forth. Literally. Or I stare at the wall. And I cry. I cry and cry and cry. I get nothing done and it takes hours to recover. It’s difficult for me to breathe. So as time passes, I’ve learned how to recognize the warning signs and identify my feelings to prevent the worst. I don’t always succeed though and that’s ok.
Sometimes, we need to stare at the wall doing nothing. Sometimes, it’s ok to accomplish nothing. We are human. We aren’t always productive, and we are definitely not perfect. All we can do is try.
What does your mental health look like and what are you doing to work on it?