Flashing Back to Eighth Grade

Yesterday, I had the horrible feeling of being in eighth grade again. Let me explain why this is a bad thing… When I was in eighth grade, I went to a private Christian school. I was one of five students in the class. The other four students were the popular crowd. I was the nerd. I studied hard and got all the highest scores in the class. I was also the first one to jump in and help anyone with anything without being asked. And I was the bullied girl left sitting alone at the opposite end of the lunch table every day and snickered at during class. The other four hated me. It was so bad, the principal’s wife asked me to help the kindergarten teacher during my lunch time with taking the littles ones out to recess. Soon five year olds were the most positive interaction I received. I would cry myself to sleep at night because of comments whispered about me. Every teacher could see what was happening but none did a thing about it.

Now that you have an idea about my eighth grade year, let me explain why I felt like I was back in that circumstance again. As I’ve shared on here (I think), I had a car wreck last Wednesday that has left me pretty shaken up. When I finally returned to work on Monday (yesterday), I figured I would at least get a how are you doing from my coworkers. Radio silence minus maybe one person. I was still in pain and reeling from having to drive the same path to work as the accident. Perhaps my expectations were too high to expect someone to ask me how I was or to notice I wasn’t do all that well, but I, honestly don’t think that is too much to ask.

The day dragged and I couldn’t help but feel like the ignored little girl of my youth. Finally, I got to go home. At home, I threw myself into my new goal of homemaking distracting myself from the hurt I felt. When my fiancé got home from work, I begged him to drive me to town to the store because I was afraid of driving. He did. We spent two hours walking outside with the baby in the middle of the night while I had a mental and emotional breakdown because of my fear and hurt feelings. When we got home, I promptly fell asleep into a dreamless sleep for three hours before getting up today to return to work.

Thinking about the order of events, I can say that yes, I over-reacted from raw feelings. But also, to expect someone to be ok from something traumatic like that is outrageous. I can see where maybe it’s time we learned a little sensitivity towards others and reminded ourselves to just ask someone how they are because even just that could make someone’s day. It sure would have made mine.

But here’s the thing….I also didn’t speak up for what I needed.

Just when I thought I was starting to figure out everything and become this strong, independent woman, I failed to do something as simple as say “Hey, I need to talk to someone. Will you listen to me?” I tell clients all the time to advocate for themselves and that people can’t read minds yet I failed to follow my own advice. So Here’s to making that change and asking for what I need.

When did you fail to ask for what you need? Do you need something right now? How can I help you today?

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Becoming a Homemaker

I’ve never been a homemaker. I’ve always been the lazy one. The one to let my fiancé do the heavy lifting around the house while I worked a full time job 40 hours a week. I let him do the cleaning, cooking, and taking care of the baby. I hid behind excuses of “I’m too tired” or “I worked all day to pay the bills”. Recently, I decided that this had to change. On Wednesday, August 1, I had a bad car wreck where I rolled my vehicle leaving me hanging upside down. Luckily, I wasn’t injured seriously and only had a sore back. But it was eye opening for me.

I had become so complacent in life that being observant wasn’t the norm for me anymore. I was doing things in a trance and being lazy and unproductive. It was a terrifying experience that forced me to look at my life and decide what I really wanted. Before I could do that, I realized I had abandoned something really someone that had never abandoned me, and I needed to rectify that. I had to rededicate my life to God and turn back to him. So I did. I still am doing that. It is a daily choice of mine.

Once I did that, I realized what I wanted most was to make this house I’ve been living at for almost three years a home. I wanted to make my relationship a partnership. In other words, I wanted to not only be a career woman but also a homemaker. So I threw myself head first into it.

I started cleaning tackling one thing at a time. I have decided to do certain chores daily and certain chores weekly. For example, I will do dishes daily and do laundry 3 times a week. I started doing my own Bible study daily. I am working on making these things a habit. It is not easy especially with a 20 month old!!! But I know it will be worth it. My relationship with my fiancé is improving because he is no longer the only one doing the work around the house. Liam is in daycare (another cost AHHHH) and getting on a schedule where he sleeps through the night! I feel better about myself and find myself having more down time because I’m not stressed about what isn’t getting done around the house.

I’m still on this journey of becoming a homemaker. And my journey probably doesn’t look like your journey. Guess what? That’s ok! It’s ok that we are all different. We learned from each other, support each other, and love each other because of those differences.

What journey are you on right now?

Life’s Little Curveballs

Ever feel like you are in a hole so deep you can’t even see the top? That’s where I am right now. I’m drowning in stress, anxiety, depression, and overwhelming financial problems. However, I also know that everything happens for a reason. Somehow, my fiancé and I will dig ourselves out of the hole one thing at a time. He got a second job and is working two jobs to help us. I am doing any kind of side work I can think of (if any of you need things written for you I’ll give you a good price I promise!).

The latest curveball came from a car accident I had on my way home from work on Wednesday August 1. It was raining and a I took a curve too fast and panicked when my car skidded. I hit my breaks and turned my wheel hard against the skid making my car roll. Thankfully, I was the only one in the accident and car. I am also ok. I have some bad back pain that is all muscular according to the doctors. So I’m resting. But this caused us to have to find me a new car and for me to take two days off work. That didn’t help the financial issues.

However, despite crippling anxiety and depression, I refuse to stay down for long. I took August 2 to relax and regroup. Friday, August 3, my fiancé and I worked on finding me a new car. I know that I could have died so that reminds me to be thankful for the little things.

How should we handle curveballs?

Jumping in feet first. Recognize that it’s ok to be upset with what happened, but you also need to recognize that that means we have to cope in different ways. I had to change my plans and rework the budget. Both things I DID NOT want to do, but I had to. I had to learn to be ok with the change. There was no room for hesitating because it was unavoidable. Also don’t be afraid of crying and being angry. Don’t be afraid of your feelings (a different article will be put up talking about my emotions and stuff next week so stay tuned).

Who did you call?

When it happened the first person I called was my fiancé (people who stopped at the scene had already called 9-1-1). He got our baby from daycare and came straight to me. He dealt with the wrecker and getting the car to our house then took me to the hospital. The next person I called was my boss to call out. Then my mom. I couldn’t have handled this without my fiancé, bosses who care about me, and my mom.

Why write about something so traumatic?

For me, writing is a release. It helps me process things. Writing this article was healing in a way. Does that mean everyone should write about things like this? No! Everyone is different. One of my coping mechanisms is writing so doing this helped me. Writing about it could hurt others so this coping mechanism isn’t for everyone.

Until next time, let me know what you think! Tell me about your curveballs and how you handle them!

It’s Ok To Be Selfish

You read that right. I think it is perfectly fine to be selfish. Let me explain. All through life we are taught that we have to share, to put others before ourselves, to care about others. But when are we taught to think about ourselves?

Today at work, I was putting in a PTO form to have a long weekend in August because I can feel myself getting burnt out. My coworker saw me. She said: “well I need this day and this day just so you know.” You see in my office, time off is first come first serve. She was telling me that to tell me that I needed to pick different dates; however, she had also told me that she hadn’t put in the request for it yet. So what did I do? Now I could have been nice and put her first by picking different dates….hint: I wasn’t nice.

That’s right. I ignored her insinuations and statements and put in for those dates anyway. In the past, the old me would have caved and changed my time off request to different days (in fact I had already picked different days because someone’s else in the office had asked off for my first choice before me). Currently, I’m working on being a person who cares and takes care of herself.

I believe that it’s time we taught our young people and children that it’s ok to do what we need to do to care for ourselves. That we don’t always have to submit to other’s wishes just because it would be nice or helpful if it means we suffer for it mentally, emotionally, spiritually, or physically. It’s time for us to move on from being a people who cater to everyone else’s desires to a people who care about our own needs.

Why would being selfish be beneficial?

We would be healthier, happier, and calmer. We wouldn’t be afraid of offending others at every turn nor be offended by everything. We would understand the value of caring for ourselves. Our families wouldn’t be so broken. As a nation, we would be completely different. It’s important to be aware of what we need for ourselves in order to care for others. We cannot pour into others if we are empty ourselves. It’s so important to refill our stores.

What comes next?

I’m working on myself and being selfish. I am being serious. I am speaking up for what I need now. I’m not letting people walk all over me anymore. I am making plans for myself. I’m working on losing weight. I’m taking time off. I’m taking care of my son. I’m doing me. Anyone who wants otherwise can get in a long line that is being ignored. Either you support my needs and me or you are against me. And I think we all need to be a bit like this altogether. I still love everyone. But I also love me. Do you love you?

 

On The Road To Adulthood

When I was little, I would have given anything to be big. Now that I’m big, I’d give anything to be little. Isn’t that how it typically works?

As I got older, I started realizing that I had no clue how to do this thing called adulthood. You mean, I have to work an 8 hour or longer shift and still come home to clean and make dinner? How outrageous! You mean that my paycheck has to pay bills and not all the books I could ever want? How unfair!

I’m slowly learning how to do this thing called adulthood and how to do it with mental health issues. Thank God for the support I have in my fiancé because any other man would have run screaming by now because my housekeeping skills have not been the greatest for the last year or so.

As our house slowly gets put in order, I recognize that all of the things I thought were outrageous and unfair are possible and normal. I’m learning that it’s possible to work 8 hours, come home, do laundry, unload the dishwasher, and take care of a baby. I’m learning how to juggle tasks alongside my mental health. No it isn’t easy, but I know I’ll like having clean clothes to wear.

 

So maybe this journey into adulthood isn’t exactly fun…but it is worth it.

What do you think?

All the Little Things

Ever have that explosion where you scream about every small little thing that happened within the last three months? I have! And it is absolutely terrible!

It’s because we allow all those little things build up! Instead of communicating and discussing the little things as they happen, we save them up for that big blow out fight like they are ammo against the other person.

This topic has been on my mind a lot recently since I’ve been teaching communication classes. It made me think about how I communicate with others especially my significant other. I find that I tend to either avoid conflict by not talking about things or blowing up about every little thing. So either I suffer in silence or I punish anyone around through my screaming and anger.

That makes me ask myself: What can I do about this?

First, I can make sure I speak up about stuff when it happens. Instead of not saying something until I explode at a later date, I can say something at the moment.

Second, I can make sure to monitor my emotions and only speak about it when I’m calm rather than angry.

Third, I can try to see the other person’s perspective. I can ask myself things like: Why are they saying this? Why do they want to do this? Where are they coming from? What are their intentions?

Lastly, I can make sure that my body language matches what I say. If my fists are clenched and I’m wearing a scowl on my face, it doesn’t matter if I’m trying to tell the person the best news in the world. They are going to assume I’m angry.

What are some of your communication skill tips? Please comment your responses!

New Journeys

Recently, my fiancé and I took on a new journey. We were struggling to make ends meet for various reasons (a good bit of my own doing). Anthony wasn’t able to get to work on time due to my work schedule. Something had to be done. One of his friends needed a place to live so we made a deal with him: babysit our child until I get home so Anthony can get to work on time and work more hours, clean up after yourself, and help put in for the food in the house and our spare bedroom is yours. His friend agreed. This journey is something I have yet to regret. Not only is his friend holding up his end of the bargain, he is going above and beyond. Instead of just putting his dishes away and cleaning them and stuff, he has deep cleaned our entire kitchen then did the same for our living room. He has cooked dinner for us multiple times. He is helping us clear out the spare room (will be his once I can get my shit together). He is wonderful with our son and takes care of him even when we don’t ask him to!

I wanted to write about this because honestly, I was afraid of making this offer. I was apprehensive about having another person in our house. And yes, not being able to walk around indecently anymore is kinda annoying at times and having to share the only working bathroom is frustrating, but overall, I’ve been pleasantly surprised. It’s also nice for my fiancé to have someone into the same things as him in the house. I don’t have to hear him whine about having no one who understands his nerd game stuff anymore.

It’s terrifying at times to think about embarking on new journeys and thinking about change. But if nothing changed, nothing would become better. I liken this situation to my blog. If I didn’t make a change, this blog wouldn’t be moving forward. It would fizzle and die forever. For my change, I took a three month hiatus allowing myself to rejuvenate and remember my love for writing again. So here I go like the chance we took on our home life, taking a chance and blogging and writing again.

That being said…I need your help!

What are some things you would like me to write about and you would like to read?